The Coconut Date

Firstly, apologies for not posting much recently. Dates have been thin on the ground due to the fact that I am becoming more deterred by the losers that I seem to be attracting. I changed my online dating profile during the week – I included way more personal description – complete with my nerdy taste in books. This was quickly readjusted after I started to receive messages from the MENSA brigade. Thanks – but no thanks. If there is one thing worse than a short guy – it’s a nerdy short guy who thinks he has a chance getting his leg over because I mentioned that I like reading Jonah Lehrer.

So after my readjustment of said profile – I received a message from The Coconut (his nickname apparently). He was totally my type looks wise – quite dark and had a great sense of humour. He had really interesting taste in music and seemed like a totally cool guy – so it was for these reasons that I decided to overlook the fact that his profile stated that he was 5′ 11″ – I mean it’s only one inch away from six foot right? In theory – yes – IF he had in fact been 5′ 11″.

We chatted all night Friday and he invited me to go to his friend’s going away party the following night. Realizing that there was absolutely no point in spending weeks messaging someone only to be faced with another Adonis situation – I decided to take him up on the offer.

So I asked him where I should meet him. “Waitara”. “Wait – where?” Waitara – a snuggly North Shore suburb consisting of a mere 5,000 people and – oh yes – it is TWENTY THREE KILOMETERS outside the city. Even when I bought my ticket at the train station, the ticket guy laughed at me. It didn’t help my nerves at venturing into unknown bushland that the train was covered in dirt and graffiti – and contained more than one eloquently placed undesirable. Sometimes… I think I am a bit crazy for doing these things. Travelling for an hour to meet some guy I had known for a day in the middle of nowhere would definitely be one of those things.

When I arrived at Waitara station, I wandered around for a bit – so that I might have a chance to run if he looked a bit mad. Eventually, I walked up to someone who looked like the guy in the picture. Short. One inch taller than me at best. If it wasn’t for expected etiquette, I would have gotten straight back on that train. Should have listened to the ticket guy.

So off we went to his friend’s going away party – which was at The Blue Gum bar about two minutes away from the station. He was a nice guy – introduced me to all his friends – well – the ones that were still standing that is – and made an effort to include me in conversation. I just wasn’t into him. It wasn’t just the height thing – he was kind of effeminate and clingy.

Eventually – after his friends were involved in two fights at the bar, three had thrown up and the rest could barely stand – we decided to call it a night. He offered to take me home on the train – I really didn’t want to have to listen to him anymore and tried to talk him out of it – but he was very persistent.

I guess he thought the date had went well because he offered to take me for Yum Cha the next day and said that he couldn’t wait to meet my friends. OH. MY. GOD.

Finally, we reached the main road near my apartment and we parted ways. I really didn’t want him knowing where I lived so that I might avoid another Slovakian Guy stalker situation.

When I got home, I had a message from him stating that he really liked me and wanted to see me again – *DELETE*.