The Coconut Date

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Firstly, apologies for not posting much recently. Dates have been thin on the ground due to the fact that I am becoming more deterred by the losers that I seem to be attracting. I changed my online dating profile during the week – I included way more personal description – complete with my nerdy taste in books. This was quickly readjusted after I started to receive messages from the MENSA brigade. Thanks – but no thanks. If there is one thing worse than a short guy – it’s a nerdy short guy who thinks he has a chance getting his leg over because I mentioned that I like reading Jonah Lehrer.

So after my readjustment of said profile – I received a message from The Coconut (his nickname apparently). He was totally my type looks wise – quite dark and had a great sense of humour. He had really interesting taste in music and seemed like a totally cool guy – so it was for these reasons that I decided to overlook the fact that his profile stated that he was 5′ 11″ – I mean it’s only one inch away from six foot right? In theory – yes – IF he had in fact been 5′ 11″.

We chatted all night Friday and he invited me to go to his friend’s going away party the following night. Realizing that there was absolutely no point in spending weeks messaging someone only to be faced with another Adonis situation – I decided to take him up on the offer.

So I asked him where I should meet him. “Waitara”. “Wait – where?” Waitara – a snuggly North Shore suburb consisting of a mere 5,000 people and – oh yes – it is TWENTY THREE KILOMETERS outside the city. Even when I bought my ticket at the train station, the ticket guy laughed at me. It didn’t help my nerves at venturing into unknown bushland that the train was covered in dirt and graffiti – and contained more than one eloquently placed undesirable. Sometimes… I think I am a bit crazy for doing these things. Travelling for an hour to meet some guy I had known for a day in the middle of nowhere would definitely be one of those things.

When I arrived at Waitara station, I wandered around for a bit – so that I might have a chance to run if he looked a bit mad. Eventually, I walked up to someone who looked like the guy in the picture. Short. One inch taller than me at best. If it wasn’t for expected etiquette, I would have gotten straight back on that train. Should have listened to the ticket guy.

So off we went to his friend’s going away party – which was at The Blue Gum bar about two minutes away from the station. He was a nice guy – introduced me to all his friends – well – the ones that were still standing that is – and made an effort to include me in conversation. I just wasn’t into him. It wasn’t just the height thing – he was kind of effeminate and clingy.

Eventually – after his friends were involved in two fights at the bar, three had thrown up and the rest could barely stand – we decided to call it a night. He offered to take me home on the train – I really didn’t want to have to listen to him anymore and tried to talk him out of it – but he was very persistent.

I guess he thought the date had went well because he offered to take me for Yum Cha the next day and said that he couldn’t wait to meet my friends. OH. MY. GOD.

Finally, we reached the main road near my apartment and we parted ways. I really didn’t want him knowing where I lived so that I might avoid another Slovakian Guy stalker situation.

When I got home, I had a message from him stating that he really liked me and wanted to see me again – *DELETE*.

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The Adonis

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I have just returned from my much (overly) anticipated date with The Adonis. I was expecting better – or maybe I just wasn’t expecting someone who calls himself “The Adonis” to drive a girl car and have a pet kitten named “Maddie”. I think that The Adonis is now the unofficial crazy cat lady of  online dating.

It’s bush fire season in Oz at the moment – so the authorities have banned the public from entering most of the national parks meaning that our planned hike up the Blue Mountains fell by the wayside. Only realizing this when I arrived, we decided on a quick lunch at Outback Steakhouse to start off. The conversation was great and we have a similar sense of humor. I have to say that I really enjoyed his company. He was just probably a little too much into his weight training than I would like – complete with singlet – urgh. Also, by the sounds of it – he really is ready to settle down and have the 2.5 kids – urgh.

When the bill came around I thought that it was a little too high to expect him to foot the whole amount so I threw down my card – no attempt was made by him to pay the bill or arrange to have it split. I guess he has more important things to spend his money on – like protein powder and Whiskas.

Anyway – on to the “fun” part of the date. A 7km walk around a lake somewhere in some part of the Blue Mountains. Nothing says “fun” like a 7km flat walk in boiling heat! Yeah! By the end of it, my perfectly coiffed do and pristine makeup was a beautiful sweaty mess and I had a pounding headache and chapped lips from dehydration. Really wish that I hadn’t mentioned that I “loved” hiking (slight exaggeration from the girl who restricted the search for her new apartment to within 100 meters of her workplace). He was noticeably alarmed to hear me gasping and spluttering after a few minutes.

We stopped at a little cafe before heading back to his car where I chugged down 3 glasses of water and rushed to the bathroom to try and salvage what was left of the makeup on my face. On a positive  note, we also grabbed some great iced milks and caramel cheesecake – so good! And don’t worry – I let him take care of the bill this time.

Finally on to the train station where he departed with the words that nobody wants to hear on a first date – “Well – it was nice to meet you” – or in other words – “I hope I never have the misfortune to see our paths cross again. By the way, your makeup is dripping off your face.” Wow – even Crazy Cat Lady doesn’t want me!

In other dating news – The Slovakian Guy has turned into a very persistent phone stalker. Hoping that I manage to shake him off this week. If anyone comes across my lifeless body anytime soon you know who it was.

Wear Sunscreen!

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Things are getting a bit scarce on the dating side of things. To be honest – after THE DATE FROM HELL and THE DATE THAT NEVER WAS … I am somewhat apprehensious to follow up with any guys emailing me this week. I will, however, keep you posted on the dates I have planned! Things are just a little crazy this week with moving into my new apartment and dealing with looking like a Hiroshima victim after my sunburn episode from yesterday (to you all pale skinned ladies out there – tanning oil is NEVER a good idea – no matter how great it smells!). Also – on an even more embarrassing factor – the sunscreen that I did have on my face managed to rub off JUST above my lip. Result? Sunburn mustache – NEVER a good look. Ever. You have been warned.

I got a phone call from The Slovakian Guy over the weekend – I think he had been calling me all week actually – withholding his number (creepy!) – but I never usually pick up private number calls. I actually didn’t know who it was for a good five minutes into the conversation and managed to play along until I could figure it out! He asked me what I was doing over the weekend and noticing a free spot in my schedule asked me out for Sunday night. I told him that I would get back to him. Thank god I got sunburnt (well, not really – but you get where I am coming from) and had a perfectly plausible excuse for canceling our date. More “clammy” kisses? No thank you!

I have also been messaging a Welsh guy over the last couple of weeks. He is working here and seems down to earth and cute. He messaged me his number and told me to get back to him with a good night to go for a drink. I’ll get back to him next week when I am settled into the new apartment and start to look less “burn victim” and more “ravishing beauty”.

My golden boy at the moment is however “The Adonis” (don’t blame me for this – he nicknamed himself! His nickname for me is Kargarooella so it could be worse). Seems like a nice, intelligent, down-to-earth guy. He is quite tall – but I have a feeling that he might be WAY into his bodybuilding! We have been messaging for a couple of weeks now, swapped phone numbers over the weekend and have a date planned for this Saturday. In perhaps my most elaborate date yet, I will be taking a two hour train journey to the Blue Mountains so that we can do his favorite hiking trial and go for lunch somewhere.

Even if he turns out to be a big disappointment at least I have visited the Blue Mountains – unless he is a serial killer that is – then I might have some regrets about the whole idea. Anyway … keeping my fingers crossed for a non-serial killer!