A puuurfect match for The Adonis!

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Crazy Cat Lady Video – thanks Sensualnslutty!

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The Adonis

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I have just returned from my much (overly) anticipated date with The Adonis. I was expecting better – or maybe I just wasn’t expecting someone who calls himself “The Adonis” to drive a girl car and have a pet kitten named “Maddie”. I think that The Adonis is now the unofficial crazy cat lady of  online dating.

It’s bush fire season in Oz at the moment – so the authorities have banned the public from entering most of the national parks meaning that our planned hike up the Blue Mountains fell by the wayside. Only realizing this when I arrived, we decided on a quick lunch at Outback Steakhouse to start off. The conversation was great and we have a similar sense of humor. I have to say that I really enjoyed his company. He was just probably a little too much into his weight training than I would like – complete with singlet – urgh. Also, by the sounds of it – he really is ready to settle down and have the 2.5 kids – urgh.

When the bill came around I thought that it was a little too high to expect him to foot the whole amount so I threw down my card – no attempt was made by him to pay the bill or arrange to have it split. I guess he has more important things to spend his money on – like protein powder and Whiskas.

Anyway – on to the “fun” part of the date. A 7km walk around a lake somewhere in some part of the Blue Mountains. Nothing says “fun” like a 7km flat walk in boiling heat! Yeah! By the end of it, my perfectly coiffed do and pristine makeup was a beautiful sweaty mess and I had a pounding headache and chapped lips from dehydration. Really wish that I hadn’t mentioned that I “loved” hiking (slight exaggeration from the girl who restricted the search for her new apartment to within 100 meters of her workplace). He was noticeably alarmed to hear me gasping and spluttering after a few minutes.

We stopped at a little cafe before heading back to his car where I chugged down 3 glasses of water and rushed to the bathroom to try and salvage what was left of the makeup on my face. On a positive  note, we also grabbed some great iced milks and caramel cheesecake – so good! And don’t worry – I let him take care of the bill this time.

Finally on to the train station where he departed with the words that nobody wants to hear on a first date – “Well – it was nice to meet you” – or in other words – “I hope I never have the misfortune to see our paths cross again. By the way, your makeup is dripping off your face.” Wow – even Crazy Cat Lady doesn’t want me!

In other dating news – The Slovakian Guy has turned into a very persistent phone stalker. Hoping that I manage to shake him off this week. If anyone comes across my lifeless body anytime soon you know who it was.

Wear Sunscreen!

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Things are getting a bit scarce on the dating side of things. To be honest – after THE DATE FROM HELL and THE DATE THAT NEVER WAS … I am somewhat apprehensious to follow up with any guys emailing me this week. I will, however, keep you posted on the dates I have planned! Things are just a little crazy this week with moving into my new apartment and dealing with looking like a Hiroshima victim after my sunburn episode from yesterday (to you all pale skinned ladies out there – tanning oil is NEVER a good idea – no matter how great it smells!). Also – on an even more embarrassing factor – the sunscreen that I did have on my face managed to rub off JUST above my lip. Result? Sunburn mustache – NEVER a good look. Ever. You have been warned.

I got a phone call from The Slovakian Guy over the weekend – I think he had been calling me all week actually – withholding his number (creepy!) – but I never usually pick up private number calls. I actually didn’t know who it was for a good five minutes into the conversation and managed to play along until I could figure it out! He asked me what I was doing over the weekend and noticing a free spot in my schedule asked me out for Sunday night. I told him that I would get back to him. Thank god I got sunburnt (well, not really – but you get where I am coming from) and had a perfectly plausible excuse for canceling our date. More “clammy” kisses? No thank you!

I have also been messaging a Welsh guy over the last couple of weeks. He is working here and seems down to earth and cute. He messaged me his number and told me to get back to him with a good night to go for a drink. I’ll get back to him next week when I am settled into the new apartment and start to look less “burn victim” and more “ravishing beauty”.

My golden boy at the moment is however “The Adonis” (don’t blame me for this – he nicknamed himself! His nickname for me is Kargarooella so it could be worse). Seems like a nice, intelligent, down-to-earth guy. He is quite tall – but I have a feeling that he might be WAY into his bodybuilding! We have been messaging for a couple of weeks now, swapped phone numbers over the weekend and have a date planned for this Saturday. In perhaps my most elaborate date yet, I will be taking a two hour train journey to the Blue Mountains so that we can do his favorite hiking trial and go for lunch somewhere.

Even if he turns out to be a big disappointment at least I have visited the Blue Mountains – unless he is a serial killer that is – then I might have some regrets about the whole idea. Anyway … keeping my fingers crossed for a non-serial killer!

The Safety Consultant Guy – “The Date That Got Away”

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I have just discovered what is worse than a bad date – a non date.

We agreed to meet up after work for some dinner and drinks. I hadn’t heard from him since New Year’s Day so texted him with a quick “Hey!” message this morning so that we could clarify the time and location. Nothing. Not a squeak. Not even a lame “Sorry – I can’t make tonight”.

On the plus side, I have in all likelihood avoided another DATE FROM HELL – or even worse… I could have been properly stood up and left to cry into my steak by myself while I contemplate banging the sympathetic waiter.

An another positive note: THE KISS-O-METER is now is action (thanks to Sensualnslutty!) – and for the record … The Slovakian Guy was very much a “clammy” – *shudder*.

Now – if you’ll excuse me, it’s 9pm and I still have time to throw on my “fat pants” and eat my feelings.

The Chiropractor Guy

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I just got back from my date with The Chiropractor Guy – still in shock. If there was a date worthy enough to make me convert to lesbianism – then this would be the one. I don’t think that this guy could have been a bigger douche if he had tried!

So we had been messaging over Christmas until now and he seemed totally normal (don’t they all?!). He had a great sense of humor (and to be fair – he did in person too… somewhere between playing with his phone and telling me about all the girls he was banging) and I felt that we really hit it off. Also, he was over 6′ tall – the height problem solved right? Right?!

Welcome everyone to the story of THE DATE FROM HELL. I felt like Ashton Kutcher was about to jump out at any second and shout “You’ve been punked!”

He had decided to take us to a little restaurant in the Rocks called “Pancakes on the Rocks” – we parked up and he asked me for change for the parking meter. You knew that you were going to be parking the damn car – bring some change!

We had to queue up outside the restaurant for a while – which of course, was no problem – except that I noticed something that would continue on for the rest of the night… he inability to stop texting/checking his voice mail. Seriously, you are on a date – have the manners to leave your phone in your pocket.

When we finally got seated, it was right at the back of the restaurant – the only way that we could have gotten closer to the restrooms was if they had had some tables beside the urinals. Watching everyone come in and out did make for some interesting conversation though – including the man that went into the ladies and never seemed to notice and the old lady that didn’t  reemerge from the toilets again for thirty minutes. I will definitely be spending more time in the future analyzing restroom activity. Oh – cheap thrills.

Strangely, he really didn’t ask me anything about myself and his conversation centered mainly on his “witty” jokes and such interesting topics as “have you ever filmed yourself having sex?” and “I dare you to pop out your nipple!” Finally, I had finished my food and my drink and – seeing me playing with my glass – he ordered even more water … forcing me to sit there even longer listening to him. Maybe my smiles and laughter had been pretty convincing in my wanting to avoid looking like a girl who was on the worst date of her life. Maybe.

We drove back to my place and he parked up outside. I had my seat-belt off before he had stopped the car – and my door open before the inevitable awkward pause ensued. I thanked him for dinner and he leaned in for a kiss – I took this chance to NOT make the same mistake as I did with The Slovakian Guy and gave him a kiss on the cheek . I then took my chance and ran out to the safety of my front door.

Giving him a kiss on the cheek was perfectly acceptable. Or so I had thought – until I got the following text message from him: “Could have thrown a sloppy one at me”.

In your dreams Mr. Chiropractor.

The Slovakian Guy

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So I had my date with the Slovakian Guy last night. I actually had really high hopes for this date. He had seemed totally cool when we had chatted. He was adventurous, had traveled a lot, his profile stated (“stated” being the operative word here) that he had been to college and worked in property (I was to find that this occupation was a landscape gardener – an occupation I thought was somewhat twisting the confines of being  within  the property industry).

He took complete charge of the date – which I really like in a guy – and had decided to pick me up and take us both to Brighton-Le-Sands – a beach about 15 minutes drives outside of Sydney with lots of cafes and bars. Upon realizing my concern that I was somewhat uncomfortable with being picked up by a complete stranger (!), we agreed that we would meet at Darling Harbor in the city.

I was – again – disappointed when I first saw him. He described himself as being 5’10” – so being 5’6″ myself – I was never expecting Goliath – but… yeah… he definitely WAS NOT 5’10”.  You might think I am being quite bitchy and picky about the whole height thing – but the truth is – I like my big guys!

Also – there was a limp issue.

He was a really sweet guy though. We went to a nice Indian restaurant on the harbor and the conversation was good – had a little trouble understanding his Slovakian/Australian accent – but for the most part it was okay. We always had something to talk about which was great.

After the restaurant, we headed to Bungalow 8 – a bar on the harbor front – and chatted for another couple of hours. Following that we finished up by going to a club in the city – where we stayed until 5am.

This club was where the awkward situation occurred. Picture the scene: we are getting along great, absolutely no physical attraction on my part though (ABSOLUTELY NO PHYSICAL ATTRACTION!)  but I am enjoying his company – and he leans in for a kiss. Well actually – he had tried earlier in the night but his kiss had landed haphazardly on my cheek when I unexpectantly turned my head – but this time … I JUST PANICKED! I kissed him back.

It was like making out with a cut cantaloupe. That’s when I knew that no matter how great the conversation ever got between us – The Slovakian Guy and I would never work out.

On a side note – I think “Fishing for … fish!” needs a Kiss-O-Meter widget. Also – The Scarface Guy messaged me asking for another date. I didn’t reply.

First Date – The Scarface Guy

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I joined the dating website about five days ago. I didn’t spend that much time setting up my profile – preferring instead to seem chilled out and relaxed. I added three pictures that I thought expressed my fun, adventurous and sociable characteristics. I wrote briefly about how I love to laugh and described myself simply – pretty eyes, pale skin and long, dark hair. I also described what I would like to do on a first date – something relaxed … a stuffy and awkward dinner is definitely a “no-no”  for me!

Having received some 200 emails from guys in these first few days – I must admit that the vast majority were banished to the trash bin upon quick inspection of their profiles. Some never even made it that far as something tells me that I will probably never find love with a man who’s first greeting goes something along the lines of  “Heya babes! Do you spit or swalow? (sic)” …. *DELETE!!!*

Anyway – I have ended up messaging back and enjoying conversations with a couple of nice guys at this stage. So Date#1 messaged me first. He complimented me on my pictures in the first message – which is always a good sign as it shows that they have actually looked at and read your profile and thought about contacting you – rather than copying and pasting a message to every girl that they come across that looks mildly fuckable. I messaged back because I thought that he looked like Manny from the movie “Scarface”.

One of the first things he asked me were my interests and what I did in my spare time. He just went straight in there! I mentioned the usual – reading, cooking blah blah blah. He then said something along the lines of “we share similar interests” – just point blank like that. Making this comment made me think that he was very matter-of-fact person – probably someone who wants to have a relationship because he thinks that he SHOULD have one – not because he emotionally wants to feel a deep connection with another human being.

We decided to meet for a quiet coffee after we both finished work. We were both late for our 6.30pm meeting – him being five minutes later than I was. Upon first sight I was disappointed with what I saw – perhaps noticeably so. Barely taller than I was, he was quite thin and fidgety – apologizing profusely for his scruffiness as he had just finished work.

We both had a large hot chocolate each and sat down at a small table beside the shop door. I think from first sight, he was just as disinterested in me as I was in him. Our conversation touched somewhat half-heartedly on the topics one expects to talk about on a first date. He had drank his large hot chocolate within a couple of minutes and then proceeded to fidget with the paper cup until I put him out of his misery and glugged up the last dregs of my own drink.

Parting ways outside the coffee shop – I thanked him for the drink and he thanked me for the conversation.

Deep-Sea Dating

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As I lie within the cusp of my 25th birthday – and having been single for two years – I have decided to take a more active approach to my love life and have joined a dating website. I decided to start this blog in order to write about my dating adventures – hopefully there will be some chuckles and good memories along the way. Expect funny online dating stories and cheesy fish-related puns a-plenty.