The Coconut Date

Firstly, apologies for not posting much recently. Dates have been thin on the ground due to the fact that I am becoming more deterred by the losers that I seem to be attracting. I changed my online dating profile during the week – I included way more personal description – complete with my nerdy taste in books. This was quickly readjusted after I started to receive messages from the MENSA brigade. Thanks – but no thanks. If there is one thing worse than a short guy – it’s a nerdy short guy who thinks he has a chance getting his leg over because I mentioned that I like reading Jonah Lehrer.

So after my readjustment of said profile – I received a message from The Coconut (his nickname apparently). He was totally my type looks wise – quite dark and had a great sense of humour. He had really interesting taste in music and seemed like a totally cool guy – so it was for these reasons that I decided to overlook the fact that his profile stated that he was 5′ 11″ – I mean it’s only one inch away from six foot right? In theory – yes – IF he had in fact been 5′ 11″.

We chatted all night Friday and he invited me to go to his friend’s going away party the following night. Realizing that there was absolutely no point in spending weeks messaging someone only to be faced with another Adonis situation – I decided to take him up on the offer.

So I asked him where I should meet him. “Waitara”. “Wait – where?” Waitara – a snuggly North Shore suburb consisting of a mere 5,000 people and – oh yes – it is TWENTY THREE KILOMETERS outside the city. Even when I bought my ticket at the train station, the ticket guy laughed at me. It didn’t help my nerves at venturing into unknown bushland that the train was covered in dirt and graffiti – and contained more than one eloquently placed undesirable. Sometimes… I think I am a bit crazy for doing these things. Travelling for an hour to meet some guy I had known for a day in the middle of nowhere would definitely be one of those things.

When I arrived at Waitara station, I wandered around for a bit – so that I might have a chance to run if he looked a bit mad. Eventually, I walked up to someone who looked like the guy in the picture. Short. One inch taller than me at best. If it wasn’t for expected etiquette, I would have gotten straight back on that train. Should have listened to the ticket guy.

So off we went to his friend’s going away party – which was at The Blue Gum bar about two minutes away from the station. He was a nice guy – introduced me to all his friends – well – the ones that were still standing that is – and made an effort to include me in conversation. I just wasn’t into him. It wasn’t just the height thing – he was kind of effeminate and clingy.

Eventually – after his friends were involved in two fights at the bar, three had thrown up and the rest could barely stand – we decided to call it a night. He offered to take me home on the train – I really didn’t want to have to listen to him anymore and tried to talk him out of it – but he was very persistent.

I guess he thought the date had went well because he offered to take me for Yum Cha the next day and said that he couldn’t wait to meet my friends. OH. MY. GOD.

Finally, we reached the main road near my apartment and we parted ways. I really didn’t want him knowing where I lived so that I might avoid another Slovakian Guy stalker situation.

When I got home, I had a message from him stating that he really liked me and wanted to see me again – *DELETE*.


8 thoughts on “The Coconut Date

  1. Girl… I can relate so much… I sometimes wonder if I should leave a note or an email to a friend or someone I trust telling them the name of the guy, his phone number, or the location or something as to where I am going just in case. I think knowing that I wasn’t into him, I probably would have been a smart ass and said something like… did you know you were shrinking?? You’re no longer 5’11. LMAO !!!

    • I don’t know what is with these guys and their severe denial regarding their lack of height. If they lie about that – what else are they lying about! Also, his profile said that he working in insurance – turned out he was unemployed!

  2. Pingback: Coco Go Nuts | Fishing for… fish!

  3. I agree that lying about height is a frequent stupidity when it comes to men on dating sites. I hear it constantly. Yet, I don’t think height should matter or should be something a woman screens for, as long as the guy is taller. While all things considered, you did decide to put height aside here, the fact that you had to “overlook” a man’s height simply because he is not 6 feet tall comes off as pretty shallow. Constructive criticism, by the way, not personal. I like your blog and sense of humor.

    I’m just curious about that. Also, how tall are you? I’m 5′ 9″ (for real)

    • Thanks for the feedback. I have always been attracted to taller, bigger guys – that’s just what I find attractive. I don’t screen for things that I think are really materialistic and shallow – like if he has a car or a high paying job – although I am also attracted to guys that are a little nerdy! It just bugs me when guys lie about this kind of thing – I would never describe myself as “thin” or “athletic” for example as I am not as describing myself as such would be misleading. I have a picture of the guy in my head from the information he has supplied me with and when this information turns out not to be true – then yeah – I am pissed. It does not give a good reflection on that person and I wonder what else they might lie about.
      Perhaps I should have worded my sentence better. It wasn’t his height that I had to overlook – it was the fact that he had lied about his height.
      I am 5′ 6″ by the way Short-ass. 😉

      • Considering my parents are 5′ 7″ and 5′ 0″, I think biology did the best it could for me. By the way, I’m still taller than you. 😀

        I was mainly referencing this:
        “If there is one thing worse than a short guy…”

        I mean, that’s pretty brutal. Short guys didn’t do anything wrong. They didn’t ask to be born short, and unlike weight which can be lost with hard work, height cannot be added. It’s something that we need to accept. I’m short, but not short to where it’s been a real problem. I’m talking about the guys shorter than me, in the 5’4 to 5’7 range – some of whom I’m friends with and are really hurt by their genetics. Sure, some have a Napoleon complex, but just as many accept their height. You’re basically saying a guy by default is “the worst” because of something totally out of his control.

        I once was with a 5′ 6″ girl and she said she liked my height because she felt like she wasn’t too far off from eye level but still felt protected at the same time due to my build. I asked her, “what if I were 5-6?” She said it’d be too short.

        Tall men will always be more desired, but I have to disagree with all the pointed female negativity that surrounds short men, as if their stature alone means there’s something wrong with their character.

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